Or should that be field manners? Good stable manners are very important if you and your slave are going to get along. From the moment they begin 'serving' you you must establish firm ground lines in order for both parties to get along.

1) It would be very rude not to enlighten your slave on your fave itching spots. A nudge and prod in the right direction is usually sufficient, but some humans (like my dad) sometimes need it spelling out and a sharp nip can work wonders if they get it wrong. A few nips and they soon learn you don't like having your ' ?' scratched.

2) The above nip technique also works well during grooming. If you have a well trained slave who does not resort to tying up, sloping off can be a useful trick too if you are kinder in nature than 'some other' equines.

3) Humans hate washing up and as they have not yet invented those 'washer thingy's' for buckets as yet, so save your human a job by destroying the offending item as soon as all the food is gone. They will enjoy choosing a new one and if your lucky will buy other goodies too.

4) Slaves love bringing us new things so make sure you destroy all rugs and anything else left lying around........then they can buy more!

5) Slaves must never be left out of games...it would just be so rude....they especially enjoy a good game of 'pile on' or 'squash'. They get so excited and squeal and everything!!!
Chase is also good but never tag as they haven't yet mastered anything faster than a trot so it's just too easy.

6) Slaves love cleaning up poo. Make sure it is spread evenly all over the field and you can prolong the fun for them by tipping the barrow over or waiting until it is empty to make a new pile. 'Hide the poo' is a game they love to play, they are very determined and will always search it out.

7) They also love cleaning us, so if you like being groomed...get as dirty as possible at every available opportunity, but if you prefer the natural look....do try to avoid that muddy patch or using a poo cushion and it will keep brushing to a minimum.

8) If your slave insists you spend a good proportion of your day in a cage then it's only fair they spend a good proportion of theirs chasing you round the field also.

9) Hay - if your slave is too slow providing or doesn't provide enough or you simply want to save them a job - it is expected that you help yourself. Covers come off best if ripped in several places and provide another shopping opportunity for slaves.

10) If your not a 'wuss' like someone knocking down/climbing over the electric fence can be a good source of new food and will provide your slave with some mind stimulation while replacing the fence afterwards. Top tip - use your whiskers to test if it's working or just push your slave against it and see if they yelp.

11) If a slave persistently annoys you follow the official discipline procedure

1) A short sharp nip

2) A short sharp nip followed by a stamp of feet

3) A swish of tail and flick of leg usually see's off most

4) A cow kick will get rid of rest

but if you've got a hard core pest (like my mum)

5) a quick turn and bunny hop with both back legs usually works a treat. Please be aware your human may try to distract you by scratching your bottom, DO NOT be side tracked, unless you need a good itch of course.

Occasionally it is necessary to skip steps 1 to 4 and immediately go to number 5.

12) Slaves need worming and other medicines too...always share yours willingly. Unless they taste yummy that is!

13) Slaves need regular exercise but are lazy. Refusing to allow them to mount while out and about can help and is a favoured method of exercising. Particularly useful if your slave needs to visit slimming world (just how many chocolates did you eat at Christmas dad?)

14) Lastly train your fan club slaves to bring you treats. The usual methods are by looking cute or by looking hungary. The advanced method is by making them feel special.....this is very easily achieved by trotting or cantering across field when you see them....and making happy to see you noises....whinny's through to wuffles.......they feel so special they can't help but keep coming back.

It does not do your slave harm to see this...it shows they have a rival for their job so will keep the standards up and throw in a treat or two of their own