And the winner is......

Me of course!

What have I been up you ask...well I have only gone and won the world fence pulling down championships with 3 days in a row and only six posts left standing on one occasion.

***** takes a bow*******

I decided to go for it last Tuesday...the grass on the other side of the electric fence looked so juicy...eat me, eat me it was calling......so what's a boy to do? The fence only gives you a quick bite and then it's okay but old wuss features declined eating the grass even after I pulled nearly the entire fence on the floor for him. Said he wasn't hungry....thought it might get him really but I went along with it...more for me that way!

Mum slave was a little cross when i greeted her at the gate, you'd have thought she'd have pleased at the welcoming committee but rather she stamped and screamed and generally had a tantrum, something about being pitch black and late for work????? Murph stood there looking very smug (behind the tape) and sucking up by pretending he was shocked at what I had done......but I know he wishes he was brave enough. to do it too. Eventually she untangled it and found all the posts I had scattered about and finally left us in peace.

I decided that the following morning was not a good time to repeat as the screaming is too much at those early hours so waited till mid afternoon and pulled down the edge fence, which reinforces the fence to the veg field. It didn't take her as long to sort out and as I hadn't done a Houdini I didn't get in trouble that night...and as i was on a roll i decided to go for the hat trick and pull the electric down that separates the little paddock from us...again there is a fence but 'someone' once leaned over it to eat grass so up went the biting tape....if I could get my hooves on that chappie...LOL

A little more tantruming followed and threats of 'THE PEN' so i thought it best to let it settle for a while before my next record attempt. However I am grabbing hold of posts and the tape at every opportunity when slaves are around (they seem able to stop it biting) just to let them know there will be a next time...does anyone know what 'wired up to the mains' means as i keep hearing references to it? All answers on a postcard please to Harry and Murph's field (and accompanied by a carrot or two).

Meanwhile back to my punishment..................and I thought this was the whole providing of having slaves..........and bringing us food of course. Never mind maybe I will win the poo picking championships too?

SLAVES -please take note!

Today we have a little reminder for all those 'slaves' out there what wonderful therapy we are (and not just expensive eating and pooing machines as some dad's are heard to say).

When your day seems out of balance
and so many things go wrong
when people fight around you
and the day drags on so long

When parents act like children
in-laws make you think divorce
go out into your pasture
wrap your arms around your horse

His gentle breath enfolds you
as he watches with those eyes
he may not have a PHD
but he is oh so wise

His head rests on your shoulder
you embrace him good and tight
he put your world in balance
and makes it seem all right

Your tears will soon stop flowing
the tension is now eased
the garbage has been lifted
you ll be quiet and at peace

So when you need the balance
from circumstances in your day
the best therapy you can see
is out there chomping hay

(author unknown as borrowed this from a post on a forum because we like it)

Or should that be field manners? Good stable manners are very important if you and your slave are going to get along. From the moment they begin 'serving' you you must establish firm ground lines in order for both parties to get along.

1) It would be very rude not to enlighten your slave on your fave itching spots. A nudge and prod in the right direction is usually sufficient, but some humans (like my dad) sometimes need it spelling out and a sharp nip can work wonders if they get it wrong. A few nips and they soon learn you don't like having your ' ?' scratched.

2) The above nip technique also works well during grooming. If you have a well trained slave who does not resort to tying up, sloping off can be a useful trick too if you are kinder in nature than 'some other' equines.

3) Humans hate washing up and as they have not yet invented those 'washer thingy's' for buckets as yet, so save your human a job by destroying the offending item as soon as all the food is gone. They will enjoy choosing a new one and if your lucky will buy other goodies too.

4) Slaves love bringing us new things so make sure you destroy all rugs and anything else left lying around........then they can buy more!

5) Slaves must never be left out of games...it would just be so rude....they especially enjoy a good game of 'pile on' or 'squash'. They get so excited and squeal and everything!!!
Chase is also good but never tag as they haven't yet mastered anything faster than a trot so it's just too easy.

6) Slaves love cleaning up poo. Make sure it is spread evenly all over the field and you can prolong the fun for them by tipping the barrow over or waiting until it is empty to make a new pile. 'Hide the poo' is a game they love to play, they are very determined and will always search it out.

7) They also love cleaning us, so if you like being groomed...get as dirty as possible at every available opportunity, but if you prefer the natural look....do try to avoid that muddy patch or using a poo cushion and it will keep brushing to a minimum.

8) If your slave insists you spend a good proportion of your day in a cage then it's only fair they spend a good proportion of theirs chasing you round the field also.

9) Hay - if your slave is too slow providing or doesn't provide enough or you simply want to save them a job - it is expected that you help yourself. Covers come off best if ripped in several places and provide another shopping opportunity for slaves.

10) If your not a 'wuss' like someone knocking down/climbing over the electric fence can be a good source of new food and will provide your slave with some mind stimulation while replacing the fence afterwards. Top tip - use your whiskers to test if it's working or just push your slave against it and see if they yelp.

11) If a slave persistently annoys you follow the official discipline procedure

1) A short sharp nip

2) A short sharp nip followed by a stamp of feet

3) A swish of tail and flick of leg usually see's off most

4) A cow kick will get rid of rest

but if you've got a hard core pest (like my mum)

5) a quick turn and bunny hop with both back legs usually works a treat. Please be aware your human may try to distract you by scratching your bottom, DO NOT be side tracked, unless you need a good itch of course.

Occasionally it is necessary to skip steps 1 to 4 and immediately go to number 5.

12) Slaves need worming and other medicines too...always share yours willingly. Unless they taste yummy that is!

13) Slaves need regular exercise but are lazy. Refusing to allow them to mount while out and about can help and is a favoured method of exercising. Particularly useful if your slave needs to visit slimming world (just how many chocolates did you eat at Christmas dad?)

14) Lastly train your fan club slaves to bring you treats. The usual methods are by looking cute or by looking hungary. The advanced method is by making them feel special.....this is very easily achieved by trotting or cantering across field when you see them....and making happy to see you noises....whinny's through to wuffles.......they feel so special they can't help but keep coming back.

It does not do your slave harm to see this...it shows they have a rival for their job so will keep the standards up and throw in a treat or two of their own

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

When I grow up I am going to be a hunter...official.

All those horses on Sunday looked like they were having a super time, I haven't been so excited since last years meet. I galloped and galloped and galloped and then I galloped some more. Even Murphy joined in so it must have been a special occasion! We even broke the field lap record three times!

There were new gates on the common when we went out too, Murphy says the hunters were going to jump them, they looked a bit scary to me but I have told mum I want to go next year and meanwhile I am practising lots by chasing Murphy round the field and will sort out the jumping bit later.

Those hunters have got nothing on me!